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  • Writer's pictureErin Cartright

How can you change your thought pattern from negative to positive using the same FRAMEWORK?

The best way for me to show you this is to tell you a little bit about me and I worked through it.

The Story:

A couple of months ago I had a feedback session with my supervisor at the time. To say it didn’t go as planned would be an understatement.

I walked away from that meeting allowing someone who doesn’t know me and I couldn’t pick out of a line up define my worth.

When asked how I could improve to meet the standards that were set out for me and others I worked with I was told “we don’t know”, “I can’t define that”, and “if you don’t think you can grow here maybe this place just isn’t for you”

Are you effing kidding me?

At the end of the meeting, I knew I was done. I was done letting people who don’t know me define me. I was done letting ANYONE define me. Setting me up with impossible standards and not providing me the growth I would need to continue building with this company.

Instead of investing in me, they decided that it may not be the place for me. (exact wording there.)

The tears started flowing.

I invested so much of myself into this company. Bettering them and working higher than I should without the pay to support it. Over the past two and a half years, this company has helped me grow as a coach. Allowed me to practice my coaching skills and also helped me to meet some incredible, inspiring people.

I will never be ungrateful for that.

I knew the moment I ended that meeting that I needed to make a change and fully chase after my dreams. So I got started but that’s for another day.

I am telling you all this for a reason, I promise. (Thanks for sticking with me so far!)

I knew I needed to put the framework of prompt/thought/action/reaction into motion and it could have gone one of two ways (negatively and positively).

Let’s start with the negative!

Prompt: I was told something that made me feel devalued, angry, and hurt. Many tough emotions at once.

**Note: The prompt is not different.

Thought: “I need something fattening, greasy, and extremely bad for my health. STAT!”

Action: Log onto my local pizza place to order the greatest cheesesteak and old bay fries. On the way to pick that up, make a stop at the beer store for a six-pack or more.

Reaction: Feeling gross physically and mentally. Feeling like I let myself down AGAIN. Not only do I still feel those emotions, but I also doubled them by adding in these feelings of guilt.

You know the feelings I am talking about. If you don’t… Girl, you ARE lying to me and you but more importantly you.

Guess what happened after all that? It started all over again because the emotions were still there. They didn’t go anywhere. It could start to spiral.

Now for what actually happened aka the positive:

Prompt: I was told something that made me feel devalued, angry, and hurt. Many tough emotions at once.

**SEE Note above: Trigger didn’t change. Just the response.

Thought: This sucks. Deep breathes. Identified all the emotions anger, hurt, and stress. I sat with those feelings. Acknowledging that they were there took away their power.

Action: Called my friends and let them know I needed them. I let them know that I needed time to hang out,

vent, and just be with people that valued me. When I say that this alone was a big step for me, know that this WAS A BIG STEP.

Reaction: I felt lighter. I was able to clear my head in the way that I needed to which allowed me to make that choice to be professional when I left the company. It also allowed me the space to talk to those that I valued within the company and provide them with the same to know that I value them.

Guess what happened after all that? I put a deposit in my confidence bank that I can tackle whatever emotion life throws at me and be better for it. That cycle will continue.

I will continue to work on the positive response. It will always be a work in progress and I am ok with that because I know I am worth it.

And you are too!

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